Catching the Gorilla

[Big Ears]

Catching the Gorilla

A man walked into his backyard one morning and found there was a gorilla in a tree. He called a gorilla-removal service, and soon a serviceman arrived with a stick, a chihuahua, a pair of handcuffs and a shotgun.

"Now listen carefully," he told the homeowner, "I'm going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls to the ground. The trained chihuahua will then go right for his, uh, sensitive area, and when the gorilla instinctively crosses his hands in front to protect himself, you slap the handcuffs on."

"Ok, got it," the homeowner replied, "But whats that shotgun for?"

"If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla," the man said, "Shoot the chihuahua."

[Big Ears]

Smart Cat

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put him on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"

[Big Ears]

Car Problem

One day, a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when it broke down. The mechanical engineer said, "I think a rod broke."

The chemical engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I think it's not getting enough gas."

The electrical engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something's wrong with the electrical system."

All three turned to the computer engineer and asked, "What do you think?"

The computer engineer said, "I think we should all get out and then get back in."

[Big Ears]

[Big Ears]

I know a woman with a PhD, so this article from The Independent struck a chord with me:

Women with actual PhDs review sexy PhD costume on Amazon

http://i100.independent.co.uk/article/wo...gJPL-5W-De

[Big Ears]

An English teacher told his students that when pronouncing a word beginning with the letter 'H' they should ignore the 'H' as in hour, honor, and honest. That day when leaving for class, the teacher left a note for his assistant, "Please heat my rice for me." When the teacher returned to his office, he met an empty bowl. He asked the assistant, "Where is my food?" The assistant replied, "You said I should heat the rice for you, but you also instructed us to ignored the 'H'."

[Big Ears]

A man dies, goes to Heaven and sees St. Peter. There are many clocks surrounding him so the man asks, "What are these clocks for?" St. Peter replies, "These are lie clocks, they tick once for every lie you tell. Here we have Mother Teresa's clock. She has never lied so the clock has not moved. Honest Abe has only lied twice in his life, so it has only ticked twice." The man then asks, "So where is George Bush's clock?" St. Peter replies, "Oh, that is in Jesus's office, he is using it as a ceiling fan!"

[Big Ears]

[jazzboCR]

A bunch of good'uns--keep'm coming please.

[Big Ears]