Can anyone improve on this?

[ambernector]

Hi all, Beach, Tiggi and myself have been working on changing the text that is displayed to Unregistered members. We feel that the existing, does not encourage enough or tell people what makes MD different.

This is the existing text that is currently being shown to unregistered visitors;

Music Discussion is the straight forward music forum for a worldwide audience of music lovers. Join MD now to have full access to all that we have to offer! Don’t be satisfied with lurking when you can interact with like minded people – Register Now!

This is the proposed revised version we have come up with;

Music Discussion is the back to basics straight forward thinking music forum for a worldwide audience. Join MD now to have full access to all that we have to offer!


What makes Music Discussion unique?

• This is completely an advertisment free environment
  
• We have gone 'back to basics' with Music Discussion, keeping the aim around quality discussions and good member interaction
  
• Each new member is vetted at first, so we can eliminate spam and unwanted advertisements that can clutter so many forums.
  
• In addition, an area for links and social groups are available to share musical sites and experiences.
  

Don’t be satisfied with lurking when you can interact with like minded people – Register Now!

We welcome any comments or feedback, which can be good or bad. :wink: Ideally we want ideas of how it could be improved further.

[kvincent5555]

I like it. I think the elaborated points are helpful.

For point 3, I might change it to something like:

# Each new member is subject to a short review and probationary period, so we can eliminate spam, unwanted advertisements, trolls, and off-topic conversation that can often clutter so many forums.

Serious online chatters seem to hate trolls and pointless tangents, and would be glad to find a place where they knew they were explicitly not allowed, so I thought that was worth mentioning. Also, "vetted" is a less familiar word, at least on my side of the pond, and sounds a bit invasive. But maybe you'd like it that way to scare off troublemakers.

I have one or two other suggestions with respect to grammar and spelling, but I'll spare you my nitpicking unless you ask specifically.

[ambernector]

Thanks for that. Personally I like your point 3 version more, as it is clear and politically correct (important in this Day and age). Assume the below is now the current. Please also point out any grammer and spelling mistakes, I promise you won't offend anyone.

The Updated Proposal;

Music Discussion is the back to basics straight forward thinking music forum for a worldwide audience. Join MD now to have full access to all that we have to offer!


What makes Music Discussion unique?

• This is completely an advertisment free environment
  
• We have gone 'back to basics' with Music Discussion, keeping the aim around quality discussions and good member interaction
  
• Each new member is subject to a short review and probationary period, so we can eliminate spam, unwanted advertisements, trolls, and off-topic conversation that can often clutter so many forums.
  
• In addition, an area for links and social groups are available to share musical sites and experiences.
  

Don’t be satisfied with lurking when you can interact with like minded people – Register Now!

[Beach]

Totally agree Tones!
It makes it sound a lot more like we give a shit about new members too! :wink:

[kvincent5555]

I think "straightforward" is one word, and "back-to-basics" and "advertisement-free" may be hyphenated.

Also, I think "In addition, an area for links and social groups are available to share musical sites and experiences." needs to be something like...

"In addition, an area for links and social groups is available to share musical sites and experiences."
or
"In addition, areas for links and social groups are available to share musical sites and experiences."
...depending on whether they are separate areas or not.

And to be honest, I may be a little oversensitive, having once been "vetted" while on a backwoods canoe trip by a gang of rednecks.

Good luck with the new spiel.

[ambernector]

Totally agree Tones!
It makes it sound a lot more like we give a shit about new members too! :wink:

:laugh::laugh: Yeah! :wink:

[ambernector]

Perfect corrections. Just what we needed really, thank you.

So the current version now looks.

Music Discussion is the back-to-basics straightforward thinking music forum for a worldwide audience. Join MD now to have full access to all that we have to offer!


What makes Music Discussion unique?

• [I]This is completely an advertisment-free environment
  
• We have gone 'back to basics' with Music Discussion, keeping the aim around quality discussions and good member interaction
  
• Each new member is subject to a short review and probationary period, so we can eliminate spam, unwanted advertisements, trolls, and off-topic conversation that can often clutter so many forums.
  
• In addition, areas for links and social groups are available to share musical sites and experiences.
  

Don’t be satisfied with lurking when you can interact with like minded people – Register Now![/I]

[Beach]

I think "straightforward" is one word, and "back-to-basics" and "advertisement-free" may be hyphenated.

Also, I think "In addition, an area for links and social groups are available to share musical sites and experiences." needs to be something like...

"In addition, an area for links and social groups is available to share musical sites and experiences."
or
"In addition, areas for links and social groups are available to share musical sites and experiences."
...depending on whether they are separate areas or not.

And to be honest, I may be a little oversensitive, having once been "vetted" while on a backwoods canoe trip by a gang of rednecks.

Good luck with the new spiel.

Kevin sounds like me reborn mate! :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh: