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Thread: My only reason for living and composing

  1. #1

    Default My only reason for living and composing

    My feelings of happiness, love, joy, beauty, inspiration, drive, etc. which are all my good feelings, these are the only experiences that make my entire life and my composing hobby worth living for and they are the only experiences that give value and joy to my life and composing. There is no other form of happiness, love, joy, beauty, inspiration, value, worth, and drive in my life.


    My chemical induced good feelings are the only source of those things since they are the actual chemical messages of happiness, love, joy, beauty, inspiration, value, worth, and drive to my brain. It is no different than physical pain. Without experiencing physical pain, then it is quite obvious that you are not in physical pain. Your feelings of pain are the only experiences that can give you pain just as how it is only your feelings of love, joy, beauty, inspiration, value, worth, and drive that can give you those things in your life. Therefore, the only thing that matters in life is how we feel.


    Our feelings are the only things that can determine the value of our lives. Or, at least, my life. Good feelings yield good value to our lives, no feelings yield no value, and the worst feelings such as depression and misery yield the worst value to our lives. I just don't agree with what some other people would say which is that there are other sources of pain, misery, joy, love, value, worth, etc. besides our feelings of those things. This is because, from my own personal experience, all other versions are mechanical and not the real thing. It's like thinking you can see when you are blind or thinking you can hear when you are deaf. That would not be any real sight or hearing; just a matter of deluding yourself.


    Therefore, it is imperative that I have these good feelings at all times in my life. There are a number of factors and situations that can take these feelings away from me since these feelings are very fleeting for virtually everyone. Such situations could be those that cause brain damage to those feel-good areas of the brain such as lack of circulation, heart attack, stroke, autoimmune diseases, etc. Another type of situation would be those situations I've struggled with much of my life which would be traumatic experiences due to ocd induced worries. These good feelings are the most profoundly beautiful experiences in my life and it is, therefore, vital that such situations are avoided at all costs in my life.


    When I don't have these good feelings, then I give up on everything in my life because I absolutely cannot stand living my life and doing my composing hobby like a lifeless machine/statue set in motion. My life and my composing needs to be worth living for and my good feelings are an absolute necessary condition to make that happen. I plan on fully dedicating my time and my life to composing like how any hardcore 10,000 hour rule musician would and I plan on becoming a great composer since that is my dream. But my good feelings are the only things that can make that happen.

  2. #2
    a restless spirit Jerome's Avatar
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    Stop thinking and talking about it so much and start doing it. That's where you will find the satisfaction you are obviously looking for. Actions speak louder than words.
    'The purpose of life is a life of purpose' - Athena Orchard.

  3. #3

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    I would also like to add this one last point here which I think is important. I think some people out there might try to disprove my whole idea that my good feelings are the only source of real joy and value. They might ask me:


    "If you were in a state of complete depression and/or anhedonia (absence of all good feelings) and I told you that there was an eternal blissful afterlife that you can have all to yourself within a few days, but the only way to obtain it was to live your life and compose, then would your life and composing have real joy, value, and worth? If it does, then that obviously says here that your life can have real joy, value, and worth even when you don't have your good feelings."


    My reply to this would be that I would think that this eternal blissful afterlife is well worth obtaining, I would think that it has so much value to me, and I would be compelled to live my life and compose even during my state of depression/anhedonia, but that is, again, a mechanical version of value, worth, drive, etc.


    It is not any real joy, value, drive, and worth in my life. Just because I have the ultimate and greatest life right there in front of me within my grasp does not change the fact that any thought of value, joy, and worth in my life is still a mechanical experience for me. Therefore, my life would still not have any real joy, value, and worth. Others would then reply back and say:


    "Of course it's real joy and value. You are living your life and composing in order to obtain something you want. Living your life like that is the very definition of real joy, value, and worth in your life."


    My reply to this would be that there is a big difference between living your life like a lifeless machine set in motion regardless of what your reason for living is whether it is to help your family or to obtain something you really want as opposed to living your life and your life having real joy, value, drive, and worth. Therefore, even though I was living my life and composing to obtain that eternal blissful afterlife I really wanted, I was still that lifeless machine which means that my life still did not have any real joy, value, and worth.

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